What do you call it when a cat bites??? Catnip!!!

Where does a cat go when it wants to buy a new tail?.... A retail store!.

Hey! Look! Farts!...I didn't know you could see farts...?...Hey, pop it!...I'm not gonna pop it!...You pop it!...I'm not gonna pop it!...Hey let's get Max!...He won't pop it...He hates the smell of farts!...Hey, Max!...You like it!?!? <^..^>

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I 'm sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."  The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful Black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table. He sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.  The vet led the dog out but, returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the exam table. The cat circled the bird twice while sniffing the bird. The cat then sat back, meowed, shook its head and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I am sorry but, your parrot is most definitely, 100%, certifiably dead."  He then, turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill. The parrot owner, still in shock, took the bill and cried. "$150.00! $150.00 just to tell me my bird is dead!" The vet shrugged and said, "If you had taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan... what did you expect?"

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